Tom Brady has been found guilty of ordering his footballs to be deflated below the NFL's ball-pressure rule--an event known as Deflategate--during playoff games. Brady's four-game suspension is being heralded as one of the most high-profile punishments handed down by the NFL in league history.
But is deflating footballs such a big deal? Andy Benoit, of Sports Illustrated, claimed that it really is no big deal--that a few years ago, under the request of two of the NFL's golden boys, Payton Manning and Tom Brady, quarterbacks were able to bring their own footballs to the games and 'prep' them any way they wanted. The league benefitted from this with greater offensive matches and higher audience ratings. Why, then, Benoit poses, is deflating the balls below some arbitrary point of pressure such a big deal?
To me, as the case is with any act of impudence, is how Brady dealt with the investigation: lying, keeping his texts and emails away from investigators, etc. What would be the big deal about admitting that you like the balls deflated to a certain degree and that you broke this insignificant rule? To me, it would have been better; but we're not talking about common folk here: Brady is extremely wealthy, one of the most high-profile athletes in sports, and the list goes on. These guys are protected, and taught the laws of the jungle. Is it such a big deal to admit guilt? No. Is it to someone like Brady? Absolutely.
What can we take away from this?
1. Admit it: If you mess up, it's best just to come clean--to the right people. Often avoidance is worse than admittance. And lying about it, trying to cover your tracks, deflecting inquiry, only makes things worse.
2. Apologize--sincerely: We all mess up--that's what makes us human. But often our messing up hurts others. And, if the mess up is significant enough (more so than a deflated football), then you can cause a major train wreck. Admitting guilt, and sincerely apologizing is just a critical first step. You might not be able to mend the relationship, but at least you've owned up to your wrongdoing.
3. Change: It doesn't matter how you do it--if you've messed up from lying or cheating or stealing or any ethical infraction, it's not enough to simply apologize; you've got to change your behaviour. If your actions are compulsive, and seem out of control, then there are professionals who can help you. You may not be able to mend your relationship, but changing will be important for helping you get back on your feet and move on with a healthy orientation to yourself, others, and the world.
Often problems happen when one or more of these three things are skipped, avoided, or deflected at the outset of a moral infraction: You can admit it, but if you don't apologize and don't change, you haven't fully made amends; likewise, if you admit it, apologize, but don't change, then you haven't gone far enough to deal with yourself.
We all mess up; but it's how we clean up the mess that makes all the difference to ourselves, others in our lives, and the world itself.
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