Sometimes things don't go our way--well, actually it's almost most of the time. Our world is complex, and often it's the ruling masses that determines the current of life than the individual. This can be a sobering fact. We want to world to work with us advancing our desires and ambitions, and not against us. Being realistic about this fantasy is the first step in moving beyond it and embracing sobriety and personal responsibility for your actions.
But we still have disappointments. We still have rejections. We still face moments when the world speaks and it's not in our favour. Here are some ways to handle rejection and disappointment:
1. Grieve: We feel loss when things don't go our way--it's normal. People try to numb the pain through self-destructive activities and distractions, rather than dwelling in the moment and grieving the experience. Grieving is important for healing. Instead of numbing, dwell in it.
2. You are not your accomplishments: Your accomplishments and failures don't determine who you are; yet in our neoliberal society of ambition, success, and willpower, it's easy to fall prey to this deception. You are much more than what you do. When things go wrong, think about those who love you. Think about the larger world around you. You'll be able to put things into better perspective.
3. Breathe: When we are disappointed, or when we fail, we can often grow fearful. When we are fearful, cortisol rushes from our adrenal glands to our brain, which causes a momentary decline in IQ. Breathing is a way of calming your mind and giving your brain the oxygen it needs to think through the experience.
4. Don't give up: "Doubt not o' poet but persist!" is what the great American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about persistence in the face of adversity, along with this daring statement, "Throw yourself at the target after all your arrows are spent!" Wonderful stuff. When you are in the dumpster of your life, don't give up but persist. Those who overcome great adversity don't give up but keep going.
5. Time is on your side: Often we go into hyper-active mode when we suffer failure or rejection; but it's often not the best thing to do. It's good to be patient and take your time to work through your emotions and get enough distance from your circumstances before jumping to the next thing. It could take months; it could take years. The important thing is not to panic, but let time take its course. You'll know when you're ready for the next steps.
6. Plan: What else are you going to do? When you experience disappointment, and have taken time to grieve and breathe, and persist, you need to put another plan together. Did your graduate school application get rejected? Did you get passed over on an expected promotion? Did your book get rejected from a publisher? Did you lose that long-term client or miss out on a big business deal? Keep going, keep planning. Get up tomorrow morning and keep going.
7. Re-evaluate: It could be the case that you suffered disappointment or rejection based on your plan of attack: maybe you applied to all the wrong schools, or submitted your manuscript to the wrong publisher, or there wasn't a fit with that company you've been pitching to. Sometimes rejection can be just good feedback. If so, re-evaluate. Talk to some people you respect about it and get their feedback, and then re-evaluate your approach.
8. Go with your gut: It sounds cliche, but there's truth to it. You may get feedback from others and they may all tell you to go in a different direction, but you have to be the one who makes that decision; you have to take the risk one way or the other. It could be that you need to keep submitting that manuscript, or applying to those ivy-league law schools, or pitch that seemingly failed product--regardless, you need to be go with what your gut is telling you. Often failure can be the place from which new opportunities arise.
We all suffer disappointments, rejection, and loss. What makes us or breaks us is our attitude and ways of responding and reacting to our circumstances. It's important that you keep your chin up and persist.
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