If This Is You At A Holiday Party And You Don't Want To Be Charged With Impaired Driving These Tips Will Help

In a previous post, I outlined four basic ways to handle the R.I.D.E. program. I have also covered how you're going to survive the holiday season party marathon. Now, marrying these two topics together, you're going to learn the following ways to stay clear of an impaired driving charge, and/or, worse yet, an impaired collision and the death of you and/or a loved one.

Your options for avoiding an impaired driving charge are simple:

1. Don't drink: This is pretty basic, but abstinence is not just for avoiding teenage pregnancy. If you don't drink alcohol, you have nothing to worry about--you can join and leave a party without the least anxiety of incarceration. 

2. Appoint a designated driver: No, this is not the time to appoint someone who craves alcohol as much as you and is 10 times more likely to break at the slightest whiff of a banal Coors Light, let alone the fine single malt that will be passed around. The key here is to appoint one who reviles alcohol--one who was brought up under the stoicism of the Teetotalism movement, and believes people who drink are morons. That's the person you appoint. If you've got that person locked down, and unless someone slips him/her a roofie, you're good to go.

Now that we've covered off the basics polarities of preventing an impaired driving charge, we can already begin to see the shades of grey billowing between (1) and (2). And given that each moment holds an infinite number of possibilities, let's just cover off a couple of scenarios here.

1A. If you were NOT going to drink, but fell prey to temptation, consider the following:

1. Limit yourself to one or two drinks early on in the party to give time for the alcohol to leave your system. And make sure you eat a good bit of food and drink plenty of water. Part of intoxication is dehydration. Get plenty of water in your system (but don't overdo it and go down with water intoxication) Now, given that with every drink your judgment is greater impaired, you will have to exercise tremendous self-control the rest of the way till closing time, which may be difficult. If you succumb to your impaired judgement and drink more, then,
2. Look for an exit strategy that does NOT involve driving your car anywhere, such as finding someone else to take you home (preferably someone else's designated driver), or crash at the location of the party, if it's a house. If it's not a house, and you crawled out from under a rug by the time all the designated drivers have left, then have someone order you a taxi. Public transit is another option, but you don't want to be that guy on the PSA whose slept the whole night in the subway travelling up and down the Yonge line.
3. Avoid getting in the car with anyone as tanked as you: It's not a good exit strategy to let someone else drive who's just as tanked as you, or is totally tanked but claims to be "fine." Sure, you won't be at risk for an impaired driving charge--you'll just be risking your life. 

2A. Let's say you have a designated driver, but realize that he/she had inadvertently drunk from the wrong punch bowl and now they're tanked (especially the teetotaling ones whose tolerance for alcohol is well-below average), consider the following:

1. Sober up--fast: If it's early on in the party, and you've only had a couple of drinks, now's the time to stop, especially if you know the designated driver and they're almost under the table. Drink plenty of water, and hit the hors d'oeuvre table a few more times. If that's not possible, and you feel absolutely no confidence in yourself to a) sober up and b) avoid further alcohol consumption, then,
2. Find another designated driver--fast: You may have to pay another person to give you and your driver a lift, but it'll be worth it. Hopefully there are others at the party who can do this. 
3. Prepare to split a cab with your designated driver: You'll need to keep that plan at top of mind for when the time comes to go home. Depending on the level of intoxication and vulnerability of your, now AWOL, designated driver, you may want to order the cab to take him/her home first and then you.
4. Crash where you are: Again, possibly a good exit strategy if it's a house party: just stay, if you can, and sleep there till the next morning. If it's at a bar/restaurant, refer to points 1-3. 

It's pretty obvious stuff, and we've all heard it before. The key is to be mindful of yourself and those around you. The old cliche of "Support wildlife--throw a party!" may have been cool when you were 18 and banging around the dance floor to the Smiths, but we all know what happens when wildlife and automobiles collide... Take responsibility for your life and those around you. Man-up, Girl-up--whatever. Just be mindful.