Why Joni Mitchell Was Totally Right About Parking Lots

Parking lots suck--

There's no other way of putting it. They are a breeding ground for stress, rage, accidental collisions, hit n' runs, assaults, back-ins, pull-outs, dings, scrapes, scratches, poorly behaved children with poorly behaved parents, theft, drifters, casual smokers, spaces too small, double-parked vehicles, wedged in supersize-me pick-ups, and countless other states of affairs that all add up to one big migraine upon entering one. (Not to mention the environmental impact of paving over nature and then running fossil-fueled cars and trucks over them all day and night.)

The problem with parking lots is that they are designed and built by developers whose only care is the bottom-line, not the actual comfort, convenience, and safety of drivers and pedestrians. 

Parking lots are egregiously skimpy in the size of parking spots (unless you go to Costco, but note that you've paid money up front in the form of a membership to shop, and thus park, there), and have very narrow lanes with little space to adequately maneuver. 

Developers don't care: they've made their money, and are on to the next profit-driven project--but we the people do. 

Trailer: Parking Lot--the Movie. 

"It's not just a parking lot; it's a battle against humanity"

Nevertheless, live with parking lots we must. So here are some tips to not only survive, but also show you are a responsible citizen and human being--with a good sense of etiquette to boot.

7 Ways to Survive and Be A Decent Human Being in a Parking Lot:

1. Use your signal when waiting for a spot: It may be an unspoken rule that the one who signals first for the spot, gets it; unless of course you come across the psycho in the suped-up Euro sports car looking to bring Armageddon down on anyone who gets in his way. In such cases, suck it up, and give the man the spot--he'll get his somewhere down the line... It's called Karma--said to work, even if you don't believe it.

2. Park straight and accurately: There's nothing more brutal then finding that spot in a crowded parking lot, only to find that a vehicle angled in next to it over the lines, rendering it impossible to fit into it. If you're driving a larger vehicle, take your time to get it right.

3. Pull all the way into the space: This makes it easier for vehicles to see around yours while they're navigating the lane, as well as makes it safer for shoppers who are walking the lane to and from their vehicles. 

4. Don't pull too far into the space if you have a small car: Has this ever happened to you? You see what appears to be a spot, and as you dash for it, you realize that it's actually occupied by a car, albeit one pulled far into the spot. It's annoying. If you drive a smaller car, try to leave less room behind you.

5. If you're a pedestrian, let people out of their spots: Since when did pedestrians feel entitled in parking lots? How many times have you tried to back out of a spot only to realize you came 2 centimetres from running over a pedestrian? Did that person try to get hit? If you see someone pulling out, especially if they're in a large vehicle and having a hard time of it, give them some time and space to do so--and even help guide them out. 

6. If you are a driver, stop at the crosswalks to let pedestrians cross safely: It's easy to get jacked up in a parking lot, and take that frustration out on others; however, we all have to try to make it a safe experience for all. If you're pulling through the cross walk and you see people walking out, let them through. Give them the time and space needed to get across--especially if they have children.

7. Keep your finger on the wheel: It's easy to lose your cool in the parking lot, but flipping someone off is only going to make matters worse. I did it once in a parking lot, a number of years ago, and was chased down the lane by a guy who went scud-missile on me--luckily he was on foot, and I was driving away from him in my vehicle. I vowed then never to flip another person off--whether in a parking lot or on the road. It's like Forest Gump ("Life is like a box of chocolate: you never know what you're gonna get.")--only Monty Python style:

"Am I right in saying that there is a frog in this chocolate?"

Here's the big take-away:

Parking lots are a system designed and built by developers who have put profit over people--they are not bad people (that's not the point of this statement), but they're designs sure are. 

The system of the parking lot causes behaviour that is dangerous to pedestrians and risk-ridden for drivers. It is not that people are at fault, or poor drivers, or idiots, it's that they've been put into a system that is inconvenient, confusing, and sub-optimal. 

Therefore, it's best to blame the system of the parking lot and not the people themselves. And if you take this approach, you may be able to muster up the patience to put into practice the etiquette listed above.