Which One Of These Ten Totally Annoying Drivers Are You?

There are certain kinds of driving behaviour that drive people nuts. If you exhibit at least one of these nine behaviours, you need to look yourself in the mirror and vow to never do it again--the results of not facing this behaviour head on may result in further annoyance to your fellow drivers on the road, as well as honking, inappropriate hand gestures, cut-offs, and perhaps even a pull-over by the police. If you exhibit 5 or more of these behaviours, then God have mercy on you. 

1. Spontaneous Horn Honker: If you honk at the car in front of you within five seconds of a light turning green, or for someone taking a little longer to get through a left-hand turn at an intersection, you're this type of annoying driver. Better to take a deep breath, and relax. 

2. Tail-Gaiter: Do you like to pressure the driver ahead of you by getting as close to his/her bumper as possible? Add the flickering headlights for extra leverage? If so, then you fall into this category of annoying drivers. Even if the person ahead is going 10 kilometres under the speed-limit, it's not their problem, it's yours.

3. Slow-Poke: If you're getting a shot of schadenfreude at the category above, because you're one of those drivers that drive slow in the left lane to annoy the Tale-Gater, you're not off the hook. This is one of the most annoying types of drivers. Ever notice that there are fewer radar on the roads during rush hour?--it's because people have places to go. Chances are, that person burning down the left-lane has somewhere to go, so why take that moment to prove a point? Better to simply move over to the middle lane and let him/her pass.

4. Ambiguous Lane Changer: One way to get back at the speed-demon tailing you, though you're both in the wrong, is to blithely drift over into the middle lane--without using your turn-signal. This not only eats the guts out of the person revving up your tail-pipe, but is a danger to the drivers coming up in that middle lane and/or looking to turn in from the right-hand lane. Your signals are important safety features for your vehicle--use them.

5. Butt-Flicker: Yep--you got it: if you're one of these, then you are prone to flicking the cigarette butt out your window when your finger tips start to burn. Didn't you learn about pollution when you were in kindergarten? Thought you'd add another layer of harm to those around you in addition to the effects of second-hand smoke? Smoking is within your rights to do--in spite of taking years off your life, as you'll read in a previous post--but put it in an ash-tray and dispose of it as you would other trash. (Incidentally, this is in the same category as the 

6. McSlinger: Those who decide that the best place for a paper bag of greasy remains from that burger combo is the side of the highway--slung from the window of their speeding vehicle! If you're a McSlinger, you deserve 6 months of community service. If you're a Butt-Flicker and think McSlingers are Neanderthals, you're one-step away from it my friend...).

David Letterman and socialite, Zsa Zsa Gabor, take an all-day car trip eating junk food and tossing wrappers into the back seat and sometimes out the back of the car itself!

7. DJ-Wannabe: Didn't quite realize your high-school dream of being that dude spinning tunes to a sweat-soaked gymnasium of writhing fans? Is that why you turned your vehicle into something the Guvernment nightclub would envy? Those around you, even if they dig the song, find it annoying, especially if it's competing with their tunes. Think you're somehow immune to the sorry cliche if you're playing Johnny Cash instead of a bad-remix of Chaka Khan? Nope. 

8. Brake-Hitter: Ok--you know who you are: Maybe you're prone to freak-out flash-backs from the 60s, or you have a bad case of restless leg syndrome, but whatever it is, you are compelled to hit your breaks in the middle of traffic flow for no apparent reason. If this is you, stop. It's really dangerous to yourself and those behind you. If you are somehow uncomfortable or anxious while driving--or a bee just blew in through your window--try to pull over and deal with whatever's going on. Issues you have while driving are not bad in themselves, but putting other people at risk is.

9. Villeneuve Clone: You think you're the next Formula One champion--in your Honda Civic: darting in and out of lanes, cutting people off, not using your signals, flying at high speeds. Here's the truth: nobody's in the race with you--there is no race. You might find another Villeneuve Clone to race you, but you make those around you scared to death. Get a membership at a racing club where you can pursue your inner passion for danger and speed in a controlled environment--but don't put the rest of us through it.

10. Dart Vader: You can't quite figure out which lane is better, because at some time or another, they all are. In fact, you don't want just one lane, you want all of them. To this end, you dart in and out of lanes, invading other vehicles' padding of space between them and the next vehicle, in this unflagging urge for better flow. For those of you who must endure the Dart Vader, may the force be with you...