It's summer soccer season, and for all those who not only pay the high price for admission to the perfect game but also give up two plus nights per week watching your kids, this is a big thumbs up for your courage and self-sacrifice--even though it gets you out of the house and some time to catch up on hourly shifts in Facebook traffic, and perhaps post some glam-shots of your son or daughter. One of the most difficult things about being a soccer parent is realizing that your child is not you and you're not your child--it's hard behaving ourselves sometimes, especially when the coach isn't playing your kid, or the ref is acting like a time-bomb, or the coach on the opposite team has something in for your child (happened to me once--in U5, of all things!).
Hence, to celebrate the opening of soccer season, and as a refresher, here are some rules of engagement for soccer moms and dads everywhere:
1. Be positive: It's not the World Cup or the Euro Cup, or the English Premier League Championship--it's your kid's soccer. They're going to feel as good about their performance as they believe you do. Be good and positive. If you're in a grouchy mood from work, kick a ball around a bit on the sidelines, or do some chin-ups at the cross-bar of one of the empty goals. Positive support of the coaches and refs is important also: if you call the coach a doofus, what do you think your child will call him or her?
2. Children play for their enjoyment not yours: Guess what--your kid's soccer isn't about you. They're not showing up to give you a show and make you feel like you're nurturing the next Lionel Messi--you're most-likely not. Let your child have fun, regardless of how that effects performance on the field.
3. Encourage rule-keeping: One of the big take-aways of sports is learning to play by rules in a group. Your child will have to have this skill growing up--even if part of that skill is knowing which rules to break at which time. Boundaries are important. Even if you want your son to be the next Donald Trump or your daughter to be the next Marissa Mayer, it's important that they learn to play by the rules--at least when they're 9 years old.
4. Be present: The number of parents I see at games with their heads down staring at their mobile devices while their child is kicking butt on the field is astounding--not to mention looks absolutely ridiculous. It's a beautiful evening, you're there with your child--it's a good time to be present for him and her and put your phone away.
5. Don't play movie trailers: Yup--I was on the sidelines just this evening when a couple of soccer moms stuck up the movie trailer for some romance comedy as loud as they probably played AC/DC out their Camero window in high school. First time I had experienced that--crazy. For the love of all that's good and decent in the world, keep YouTube off--or at least share headphones.
6. Applaud all good plays: I know, it's hard: the opposing team's secret weapon just ripped-curled a brilliant strike past your son in the top corner of the net. You have to admit it was an extraordinary play. Applaud your son's effort and the child who scored Beckham style: it'll make your kid feel better about letting it in, and you'll keep the game in better perspective.
7. Reward effort, not skill: It's typical of parents to tell their kids how brilliant or gifted or skilled they are; but guess what? It messes them up, leaving them to think that if they screw up once or twice they're no longer smart or skilled, so they try less and less. The best thing to do is tell your child how hard he/she worked, how much effort you saw them put in, and how the more they try and work hard, the better they'll get. That's how winners think.
8. Don't be a car coach: It's easy to slip into coach mode on the way home from the game, telling your child what he/she should've done, how they could've improved their scoring chances, how they're played too far back in goal, and so on--but it's not good for your child's esteem, and it puts you in the position of judge and critic rather than supporter. It's best to, again, to reward the effort, the hard work; to reflect on those plays in which he/she really played hard. All that other stuff will just sound critical, and possibly demoralize your child.
9. Leave coaching to the coach: "Run to the net!" "Get in position!" "Take it up!" "Shoot it!" "Support! Support" "Pass pass pass!" What's a child to do with all that shouting from the sideline? The coach yells "Pass!", you yell "Shoot!" and the child thinks "Get me outta here!" I've done it; I've seen others do it; and it's just not great. Even if you think the coach is a bit too passive, it's best just to let him/her coach your child. They often have a much better attitude about it than you do, and are there to provide a context for your child to have fun. Tell your when he/she has had a nice play, but leave it at that.
10. Rise to a higher level: Sport is important for building the body, heart, and mind--it's why humans have had some kind of competition for millennia. As you're taking your child to soccer, share with them the importance of being a good sport, of playing competitively but with dignity, of having honour and a strong sense of solidarity and camaraderie--these are the higher ideals of sport; those universals that transcend scoreboards and media attention. Teach them the importance of failure in overcoming boundaries; of effort in the face of adversity; of greater victory that comes even with defeat. As you raise your children to that higher level of ethics, of those universals that transcend a particular game, soccer and those evenings on the field will take on a completely different resonance: for it won't be about you, it won't be about Wednesday evening at 6:30--it'll be about authentically being human, and sharing that humanity with your child. How much better can it get than that.
No comments:
Post a Comment