When it comes to following dreams, there are as many giants as there are guides; and being able to tell the difference between the two is critical. Often we let various things get in the way of our dreams without even realizing we've succumbed to them and been taken off track.
Here are 6 giants you need to get to know:
1. False friends: These are the people who latch onto you out of a narcissistic need for validation, but have no interest at all in you as a person. When they start to see you living differently, making decisions in the fulfillment of your dreams, they cut you down or try to thwart or dissuade you from your efforts. The best thing you can do is realize this and either a) cut them loose, or b) engage them with a deeper sense of boundaries. You can be a welcome mat without being a door mat.
2. Overbearing family: Family members can unwittingly prevent you from your dreams, especially when they fear your dream will take you away from them. Jealousy, envy, competition are just some of the feelings the pursuit of your dream can stir up in family members. You may even have parents with unfulfilled dreams who are too bitter about their lives to encourage your path. You can't let those you love get in the way, though you absolutely should love them nevertheless.
3. Self-talk: There have been many studies done on the advantages of positive self-talk for the fulfillment of goals and dreams. However, many people get trapped in negative self-talk: "I'm not worthy of my dream." "Who am I to accomplish this goal?" "Why do I think I can achieve this when few people have?" "I don't know what I'm doing..." These are just a few examples of negative self-talk that trap you from fulfilling your dream. You can't listen to it. Instead, you need to replace the negative self-talk with positive messages: "I'm precious." "I am creative." "I love this dream and I love pursuing it no matter how hard or impossible."
4. Laziness: It's 6am and it's time to get up for that training run for the upcoming marathon. You ignore the alarm and drift back to sleep; and then you ignore the snooze several times until--it's too late. This is what Steven Pressfield calls "resistance," and it's the difference between amateurs and professionals. A professional applies all the qualities that one has at one's job to one's dream. It means playing hurt or tired, taking the hits and still working, not taking failure personally, not over-identifying with the job. It means overcoming laziness day in, day out. Laziness will beat you to the ground; and the only way up is getting up.
Author Steven Pressfield on Battling Resistance
5. Self-deception: Another selfie issue: believing you're too good or too talented to have to put in the hard work. Some people believe they deserve their dream to come true just by virtue of having it without the hard work it takes to bring it to fruition. It's again like Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour rule to success: if you're not putting in the hard work, it's highly likely you won't accomplish your dream. If you believe you're too good to get dirty and sweaty and dig into the trenches of what your dream requires, it'll leave you behind. You've got to take a good look at yourself in the mirror, accept that you're human like everyone else, and be willing to get down and dirty.
6. People pleasing: This piggy-backs on the first two points: the dream-killing desire to please others. Yes: pursuing your dream may force you to become a different person; to step out on nothing and land on something; to re-invent yourself time and time again; to take on unconventional habits and work times; to avoid certain social gatherings you used to attend; to become more reclusive at times; to put up stronger boundaries around certain areas of your dream that need protection from the unscrupulousness of others, etc etc. You can't make these changes if you put the pleasing of others ahead of your dream; you can't pursue your dream if you're too concerned about what others might think; you will not fulfill your dream if your people-pleasing leads others to stomp all over it and you; you will not accomplish your goals if you let the prying and prattling of others take away your energy and time. There's a reason why many people who are living their dreams spend time away from others, spend time alone. As the poet e.e.cummings maintained, crowds are gangs; and you will be ganged up on if you let yourself. You can maintain a sense of warmth and friendliness; you can be a good friend; you can be there for your loved ones when they need you; but you must know when to draw the line.
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