Zayn Malik has announced he has quit the band, One Direction, after 5 years. And beyond all the bewilderment, and even the shedding of tears for those die hard fans, his reasoning is an important one: "I am leaving," states Malik, "because I want to be a normal 22-year-old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight." In spite of the fame, the riches, the accolades, Malik is choosing something, for him, far greater: a sense of normality wrought from "private time."
In many ways, our society is a lot like a rock band: we have 'fans', we are constantly on call to give statements, answer questions to those who capriciously invade our world through mobile technology; we busy ourselves socially through parties, get-togethers, date-nights, work-meetings, after work sports games, and on and on. According the Psychology Today, we fear alienation in this "sped-up, over-connected world." And in spite of all the 'keeping-in-touch,' we find ourselves deeply out of touch, not only with others but also ourselves.
So what's the answer to this? I think Malik, though seemingly trivial, actually gives us pause: private time, or what is better understood as 'solitude'. We are afraid of alienation, and yet it is solitude that gives us the time and space to reconnect with our thoughts, reflections, and feelings, which thus helps us re-enter our busy social lives with on a full rather than empty tank. And according to Katrina Kenison of Opra.com, "[Solitude] and isolation do not go hand in hand. We can retreat from the world for a time without being renounced by it."
Here are a few more reasons why you need to find solitude:
1. Helps you gain greater perspective: Often in our hectic schedules, our thinking is more like "blinking": that state in which we make snap decisions in the moment. For certain tasks, this is an important skill; however, there are times when stepping back from the blink can actually give us greater perspective. Some decisions and tasks simply demand reflection--usually the most meaningful ones, such as those pertinent to your family and your own life, ambitions, dreams.
2. Calms the body: We are often over-stimulated with work and media, which can cause huge amounts of cortisol to rush into our brains thus stressing our bodies out. You need that solitude to get greater hits of serotonin to your brain that will calm your body down and help you recharge.
3. Aids in creativity: There's a reason why creative thinkers, inventors, artists, and even entrepreneurs spend excessive time on their own: they have the time and space to create. If you have a job requiring creative ideas, or you are an artist looking for the next project, it's very important you spend time on your own. We are all creative beings, and if solitude aids in creativity, all of us need solitude. If you don't feel creative, or have creative things you used to do but don't anymore, then solitude is the thing for you!
4. Creates space for the big questions of life: There are fundamental questions humans have been wrestling with for thousands of years: Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? But for some reason, the pace of our society and all its distractions really prevent us from asking them in meaningful ways; and yet, answering them can completely change your life. Maybe you're stuck in a big rut; maybe you hate your job or you have a vision for a different life. Spending time with yourself will help you answer them.
5. Increases bandwidth: You know when you are out of range with your wi-fi connection? You can't connect with others. To be with others requires bandwidth, or signal strength. But to get that requires time spent by yourself re-building your mental and physical strength to re-enter your social circles, especially family life.
6. Enhances presence for family: If you're a parent, you know when you've had enough of the noise and constant energy of your children. Instead of waiting for that moment when you become frustrated, it's important to get some time to yourself--not in front of Facebook, but truly by yourself: take a hot bath, spend some time in a notebook, listen to music and sing along.
We all need solitude--indeed some argue we've been created for it by virtue of being social beings. We need that critical time and space to recharge and be present for ourselves, and our thoughts and feelings. Like the great writer and humanitarian wrote of solitude, “Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure.”
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