We dwell in tension and hostility, whether experiencing rage on the roads, violence in our media, or anger within ourselves and households. People are stressed out financially, often commute long distances to work, and have more month at the end of their money than money at the end of their month.
There is a prevalence of drugs and alcohol in our culture, and a surge in the consumption of 'energy drinks' that spike one's energy for a time but also one's agitation and hyperactivity.
Red Bull Label: Notice the caffeine content, and warnings to consumers
We are also influenced by what we watch. Studies have been done on the effects of television on behaviour: we model the behaviours and expression that we see actors and reality tv participants live out. And what kinds of behaviour do we see? Greed, hostility, sarcasm, selfishness, defensiveness, and an overall sense that the world is a place to be exploited for one's gain.
Professional hockey is loved by Canadians, but incessantly displays aggression and thuggery--more so than most other sports
Sports remain a significant form of televisual entertainment, with hockey, as our national sport, being an arena for thuggery and physical confrontation. There has also been a growth in the popularity of mixed martial arts that may show a more 'calculated' and controlled form of physical confrontation, but those are often mixed together with fights that are full of blood and fear and anger and a seeming 'fight to the death' that must be stepped in on by the referee.
Mixed Martial Arts is growing in popularity. In an age of aggression and hostility, is it any wonder?
Is it a wonder that physical altercations can be seen on our streets, stores, bars, and roadways? In a recent news story, a Toronto man was stabbed in the heart after a fight arose when he shoulder bumped another pedestrian. The attacker and his friend took exception to the victim's ability to defend himself thus leading to the stab in the heart.
We don't have to engage in physical violence. A violent situation can be diffused and avoided. If you are prone to fighting, and want to stop this behaviour, the following tips are a good place to start.
Bruce Lee: "The art of fighting without fighting"
Tips to Avoid Physical Confrontation
1. De-escalate the situation: Often fights result when aggression from both sides escalates and there is nothing left to do but throw-down. To de-escalate, you need to communicate in a non-threatening way.Do not:
- Threaten the aggressor
- Contradict or argue with the aggressor
- Challenge the aggressor
- Order or command the aggressor
- Shame or disrespect the aggressor
2. Maintain eye contact and watch the aggressor's hands at all times: While doing this, continue to de-escalate the situation by listening to the person's problem and apologizing, even if you feel you did nothing wrong. It's not about who's right or wrong at this point--it's about avoiding physical violence.
3. Avoid reacting to insults about you, your mother, your spouse, etc: The aggressor may want to fight and will try to egg you on. This is a tactic on the other's part that you should simply avoid. Stay calm, count to ten--whatever you have to do.
4. Stay calm: Keep your head on straight, even if the other is losing his or hers. Again, try to assure the person that fighting won't solve anything. And avoid your need to be right or justified in your position--it doesn't matter.
5. Deflect and Avoid: We can trigger people by trying to justify ourselves or take the moral high ground with statements such as, "I've got better things to do than to fight you," or, "Why don't you save this for the Jerry Springer show," etc. The best thing to do is to deflect the other's aggression and avoid the conflict--most of the time it takes keeping your mouth shut.
6. Lose your ego: This is the underlying issue: Your desire to be right--to somehow be better than the other. Instead, tell the other person what he or she wants to hear, and, again, apologize even if you think or know you're right.
7. Keep your hands up: You want to have your hands ready in the event of a blow; but you also want to appear non-aggressive. Having your hands pressed together while talking to the other, in a prayer-like fashion while keeping them by your neck and chin, will tell the other that you are non-aggressive and allow you to protect yourself if need be.
8. Walk away: You don't need to fight to prove yourself. Walking way and avoiding the altercation doesn't mean your less of a person--it means you're more of one. It is harder to take a deep breath and remain calm in the face of aggression than to give in and lose yourself.
9. Lock your doors: If you're in a car, and experiencing road rage, keep your doors locked, and, if possible, simply drive away and call the police. Often road-ragers will try to follow their victims, so having the police notified is the best thing.
10. Escape: Plan your escape if you see things escalating in spite of trying your best to de-escalate. You may not have to defend yourself, but can instead just run away and get to a better location. If you are alone with the aggressor, move to a place more crowded.
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